Gone

Yeah it's Valentine's day. Everything was great today - I saw my friends and their boyfriends having the greatest time together all smiling and laughing. I was too, don't get me wrong, but something was on my mind all day.

Who would have thought that a guy you have known over the past six months would have become a fixture in your mind, becoming the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about before you go to bed? No, this isn't 'the boy' I was talking about five months ago.

Does anyone ever get this ridiculous feeling for someone that came like a BOOM.

Well, I'm not the shallow type of person. That guy is amazingly cute and everything, but these are the things I really admire about him.

- His intelligence

- His dedication to his studies

- His caring nature towards his friends and his family

- His love for wanting to help others

- His determination to become a doctor

- His cute shyness

- His blush whenever the teacher catches him off guard

- His cute rambling whenever he is nervous or doesn't know what to say

- His respect towards everyone

- His politeness

Seriously - what kind of girl wouldn't want to be with this person.

I only speak the truth, and this is as true as it gets.

I hope he achieves what he wants to achieve in the future. It will be bright, that's for sure.

So long

Sudden

I haven't been here for ages. Well, the Christmas holidays are usually busy, just like in most families. I enjoyed spending time with all my friends - more than my family. This isn't a good thing, but it is how I felt anyway.

Finally, I'm back where I belong, with a big distraction - school. This feeling has been bugging me for the last month or so and it is making me quite uneasy.

Have you ever felt that there is someone you feel something for, but the next thing you know, that person is taken away from your life and there's nothing you can do about it because you're too shy to ask for his/her contact details?

Have you felt a feeling that you are trying so hard to push now, back into the deepest pit of your brain, but the feelings keep coming back stronger and stronger like a mutating virus?

I've never been so scared of my feelings.

On a MUCH HAPPIER note...

I do indeed have a tumblr - kudos for that anonymous who asked

It's http://freezegirl4ever.tumblr.com/

And yes, please do go there if you are Twilight obsessed, like I very much am - please don't judge me for it!

What do you do

What do you do when no one supports your ambitions?

What do you do when no one understands why you act when?

What do you do when everything you do and say is misconstrued and taken in the worst possible way?

What do you do when nothing works out and everyone act like they support you?

What do you do when the whole world is populated with people with fake feelings?

What do you do when you realize you like those feelings, even though they are fake and unreal?

What do you do when the world swallows you whole?

What I'm listening to : What Makes You Beautiful - One Direction

164

He walked into my life three years ago, unknowingly, unintentionally. At first I had ignored him tryingly, as much as I possibly could without letting my intuitive mother know or allowing her competence to speak English embarrass, or even worse, defy her. I knew that my intentions to drive him into oblivion in my mind were good...pure - I needed to focus on my studies. It was a stupid lie to tell myself, though. The insecure girl whose father had scolded to the deepest pits of burning, living hell refused to let out the confidence which would have, or just maybe, catch half a second of his attention. Yes, I was insecure. Yes, trusting people had always been such a troublesome thing for me. Come summer, I was ready to go see him again, and - while breathing in deeply through my nose and exhaling through my mouth - I was ready to face this game of the lion and the lamb. At least, I thought I was.

Blinded by the ludicrous philosophies my father had told me over and over, I refused to let him in. I refused to let him see who I really was.

I never so much received a hug or a sign of affection from my father. He favored my brother, my cousin! I grew up believing that true love was just a way of living through whatever life threw at you. I scoffed and rolled my eyes at my friends who truly believed that they have found their other half. It was a manner of speaking, a way of living - this was what I constantly told myself. I saw with my own eyes, my father toying with my mother's affections. He used love so carelessly and there was my own meaning of love. A mask to hide the pains of living life. Just some false affections to make Earth a more beautiful place to live in. Love became nothing but torture in my mind, bringing nothing but suffering to my heart.

And then came this guy. This guy, this guy, this guy. It has been three years and my feelings of hope have grown wild. Our conversations, on the other hand, have not grown past the words of courtesy and the coy smiles of acknowledgement in front of the world's stage.

Here's to the new year - a year when school becomes vital, a year when I hope, just hope, that the small talk between us will gradually grow into feelings more tangible and, if I dare hope, mutual.

What I'm listening to : Ghosts - Little Boots

Invisible - Paul Weller

Little Bit - Lykke Li

My dad's a fucktard

Okay. That sounds a bit too harsh but hell, it's true. He was like, do maths this way, you're doing it wrong. Oh, for Christ's sakes, how many ways are there to do maths? Um, idiot - there is only one - practise. No shit. My dad does not get that. He thinks he's god and can make things happen by doing it all his way. Hell, if the world ever came under his control, his paranoid schizophrenia-ish like symptoms would destroy the world. Yes, that means you too, weirdo pseudo galaxies.

Sorry for this rant - I was just so upset today.

What I'm listening to: Complicated - Avril Lavigne

This Amazing New Song --> LOVE

Yeah - I'll write a post up later :)